he puts the penis in happiness.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
