I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
