I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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