i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
