he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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