Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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