I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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