I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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