I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
