I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize