all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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