omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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