just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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