He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
