Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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