I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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