The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
