So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
