o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
