sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a waste of cheezeits
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
