Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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