I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
