you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
