Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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