And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
