Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
