Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
