Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
