I will die if light touches me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
