ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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