i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
