just tell him i said nine months
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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