Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
