One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
