Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize