Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
