Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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