i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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