i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
