I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
