I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I want a musical about memes.
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