Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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