oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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