How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
