I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
