I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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