she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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