Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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