We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
These tits shall not be calmed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
