as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
