Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
