Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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