It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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