i permit you to call me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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