your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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