I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
