I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
