Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
