Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
