She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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