The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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