I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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