I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
