i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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