do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
