i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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