I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
