Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
