6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
