I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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