my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
