Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
