I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
