Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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