I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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