I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
