CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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