absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
