So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
