How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
