You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
