dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
