i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
