i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize