I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
