3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
