I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
