I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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