I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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