You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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