what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
