well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
