I am puke
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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