I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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