I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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