hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
