If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
