He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
