I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
