and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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