Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
