First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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