Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
