I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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