making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
