Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mom said you looked used
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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