I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
