Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
