The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize