So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
