you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
