How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
